让人捧腹的爆笑英语笑话

I can't let him get away

A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him.
She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways.
Wow, she thought, this crab is really special.
I can't let him get away .So they got married immediately.

The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset.
"What happened?" she asked.
"You used to walk straight before we were married."


"Oh, honey, " he replied, "I can't drink that much every day."


Big Head

“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”

“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”

“Where's the shopping bag?”

“I haven't got one,use your hat.”

First taste of sex

A young man goes to a whorehouse to expierence his first taste of sex.

The madam suggests that he start with 69.
He decides to give it a try.

The prostitute leads him to a room, gets undressed, and instructs the young man to eat her pussy.
Unfortunately, just as he starts she farts.

The man quietly says to himself, "phew", but he goes down on her again.

A moment later she farts again.
He says "phew", but continues.

Once more she farts.
This time he immediately gets up and starts walking out.
She asks him what's wrong, and he replies "I don't think I can take another 66 of those!"