公用棺材

周田村的村主任是个热心肠，人送绰号老火盆儿，他给村民们办了不少好事儿。

今年周田村被划归市辖区，政府下令禁止土葬，自古以来的老规矩要变了，村民们抵触情绪很大，死了人火葬倒没啥不好，火烧财旺嘛！可是不能不睡棺材，棺材——官财，老人升了天要保佑子孙后代官财两旺，没有棺材怎么行？

既要遵守政府法令又要兼顾村民情绪，老火盆儿想了个权宜之计，自己掏钱打了一口公用棺材，谁家死了人都能按老规矩睡棺材搞祭奠了。

周田村有周、田两个大姓，这一天，田家辈分最高的田奶奶归了天，存放在废弃水泵房里的公用棺材又要启用了。

隔天一大早，老火盆儿就赶来帮忙，陪着田奶奶的儿子田大头去清洗棺材，两个人带着刷子抹布来到水泵房，却见房门敞开着。
两个人吃了一惊，急忙推开门一看，棺材盖子也掀开放在了_边。
田大头慌忙跑过去，往棺材里探头一看，“哇”的一声怪叫，哆哆嗦嗦地指着棺材叫起来：“棺、棺材里……有、有人！”

叫声未落，棺材后面突然站起一个人来，吓得田大头差点儿跌了个跟头。
那人伸腰打了个哈欠：“瞎咋呼啥，那是俺爹！”原来是周姓家族的周大福。

田大头好半天才回过神来：“你爹？你爹啥时候归天的？”

周大福含含糊糊地嘟囔了一句，老火盆儿不禁起了疑心，凑到棺材前仔细一看，周大福老爹的胸口还在微微起伏，老火盆儿勃然大怒：“混账东西！你让活人睡棺材呀！”周大福满不在乎：“就是比活人多了口气儿呗！”

周大福的爹前些日子犯了病，送进抢救无效，已经进入了弥留状态。
人要让他睡棺材，连夜把他从医院拉了回来，回到家就听说田奶奶归了天，如果等她入殓祭奠办完丧事，只怕老爹就要烂在家里了。
周大福急中生智，干脆先让老爹睡上了棺材。

周大福的招儿也太损了，气得田大头跟周大福吵了起来，两个人吵急了就骂，骂急了就要开打。
此事关系重大，老火盆儿说话也不好使了，拉这个拉不动，推那个推不开，两个家伙越凑越近，两双手攥成了四个拳头。

突然，棺材里“咕咚”一声，三个人一齐愣住了，田大头大叫一声“诈尸了”，撒腿就要跑。
老火盆儿一把拉住他：“傻东西！你家活人会诈尸？这是回光返照！”

果然是老火盆儿见多识广，周大福的爹正是回光返照，他看到自己躺在棺材里，又听到外面争夺棺材的吵闹，才拼尽最后的力气撞了棺材。
周大福反应过来，摸摸爹的口鼻已经没了气儿，哭着说：“你们看，这回没气儿了吧？”

田大头吼起来：“没气儿也不行，死了也要讲个先来后到！”周大福也吼：“不行也得行，先进棺材就是先到！”两条汉子吵嚷着又要动手。

水泵房里的吵闹惊动了村里人，消息传开，田奶奶的也抬来了，两边的亲属纷纷赶到，棺材之争愈演愈烈，年轻人抄棍棒捡砖头，女人们吵吵闹闹火上浇油，现场顿时剑拔弩张，眼看就要爆发一场家族械斗。
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老火盆儿气得大叫：“你们都昏了头？再打死两个更没有棺材睡！”两家人见状，这才冷静下来。

老火盆儿挠挠头，想出了个权宜之计：“两家先把老人抬回去，棺材咋用由村民代表讨论决定！”

两家抬回老人等着讨论的结果，可村民代表也是各执一词，有人讲先来后到，田奶奶死在了前面：有人说先人为主，周老爹先进的棺材，讨论了半天又把球踢了回来：棺材是老火盆儿掏钱打的，谁先用由他说了算。

老火盆儿悻悻地回到了家里，田大头提着两瓶酒来了，放下酒甩出一句话：“谁先谁后您说了算，反正是我娘先归的天！”正说着周大福也来了，也是放下两瓶酒甩出一句话：“谁先谁后您看着办，反正不能把我爹放烂！”

到底姜是老的辣，老火盆儿脑筋一转又有了权宜之计：“听说殡仪馆出租玻璃钢棺材，那棺材可比木头的漂亮多了，看谁家去租一个，我来出钱。
”没想到两个人异口同声反对：棺材自古以来就是木头打的，连棺材这两个字都是木字旁，玻璃钢算什么东西！

老火盆儿做梦都没想到，自己不惜工本打了公用棺材，现在成了烫手山芋。
他暗暗打定了主意：如果这两家都不肯让步，自己明天就睡到棺材里去，看你们还怎么抢！

没等老火盆儿进棺材，当天半夜水泵房突然起火，等村民们端盆提桶地赶来，火已经烧得靠不上前了。
好在周围没有房屋，不会引起火势蔓延，老火盆儿赶紧招呼村民们后退。
干脆让它烧光算了，可忙乱中不知是谁报了警，等消防队派出所先后赶到，屋里的棺材早变成了木炭。

派出所长听说了两家的棺材之争，开始追查起火原因。
经过现场勘查，水泵房里找到了几个空酒瓶，显然是用了白酒助燃。
正好周田两家筹办丧事都是买的这种酒，村民们也认为只有这两家存在放火动机，动机很简单：既然对方都不肯让步，干脆一把火烧掉，用不成大家都别用！

有了酒瓶和动机，疑点当然集中在了周大福和田大头身上，可不管所长怎么做工作，两个人死活就不承认。
所长决定把两个嫌疑人带回派出所审查，两家亲属立刻炸了庙，儿子走了谁来送老人升天？两家人哭的哭闹的闹，所长火了，掏出手机就要请求增援。

眼看事情要闹大，老火盆儿大吼道：“别查了，火是我放的！”

人们都愣住了，现场顿时鸦雀无声，老火盆儿指指现场找到的酒瓶子：“这是周大福和田大头给我送的酒，正好拿它放了火，我打的棺材我来烧，该咋处罚我兜着！”

所长又好气又好笑：“咋处罚？你故意纵火，涉嫌危害公共安全，依法应该接受审查，你这个村主任也别当了，跟我们去派出所听候处理吧！”

老火盆儿跟村民们告别：“大伙儿想想吧，咱们祖祖辈辈死了人都睡棺材，照这样迷信的说法，满世界都是大官大款了！什么火烧财旺棺材官财？看看吧！我倒是丢了官破了财，差点儿闹出人命来！现在我就想问大家一句，要不要我再打个新棺材？”

周大福和田大头对视一眼，异口同声叫了起来：“不要不要！”

Introduce:The village director of week cropland village is a warmhearted, the person sends byname old brazier, he gives the villager people did many good things.
Week cropland village is delimited this year communalize area under administration, the government gives orders to prohibit inhumation, from of old convention should run, the villager people resentment is very big, died person cremate does not have what bad, flourishing of money of baked wheaten cake! But have to sleep bier, money of bier —— official, the old person rose a day to want to bless descendants official money two flourishing, how to go without bier? Want to abide by governmental decree to want mood of villager of give attention to two or morethings again already, old brazier thought an expedient, oneself drew out money to make a public coffin, whose home died the person can sleep by convention bier makes sacrifice.
Week cropland village has week, field two big last names, this day, tian Jiabei divided highest cropland grandma to put in a day 's charge, deposit the public bier in room of deserted water pump to wanted to enable again.
Lie between a day one big early, old brazier come help, the son field of grandma of for company cropland is big go cleaning bier, two people are taking brush dishcloth to come to water pump room, see the door is being opened wide however.
Two people ate one Jing, push hastily open the door to look, coffin lid also is lifted open was in by the side of _ .
Field is big run over hurriedly, look toward the probe in bier, "Wow " cry quite, ground of Duo shiver Suo is pointing to bier to cry: "The …… in coffin, bier has, somebody! " the cry did not fall, abrupt station removes a person to come at the back of bier, frighten so that not quite up to the mark of cropland big head dropped a fall.
That person straighten one's back hit a yawn: "Blind show off what, that is my dad! " it is the Zhoudafu with week of familial surname so.
Cropland big head is good half talent has answered a god to come: "Your dad? Moment of your dad what passes away? " Zhoudafu grunted vaguely, old brazier can'ted help removing suspicion, collect looks carefully to the front of bier, the wind of old father still is in Zhoudafu to rise and fall slightly, old brazier agitatedly: "Mix Zhang thing! You let living person sleep bier ah! " Zhou Dafu not worry at all: "It is more than living person tone! " Zhoudafu's dad made disease some time ago, send into hospital rescue to disable, had entered be dying state.
The family member should let him sleep bier, the same night pulled him from the hospital, return the home to hear cropland grandma put in a day 's charge, if wait for her encoffin hold a memorial ceremony for to handle funeral arrangement, be afraid that old father is about to rot only be in the home.
Zhou Dafu show resourcefulness in an emergency, flat let old father sleep first bier.
Zhou Dafu's action also too caustic, gas must follow Zhoudafu field is big to make a noise to rise, two people make a noise to be scolded urgently, scold be about urgently to hit.
This matter count for much, old brazier conversation is bad also to made, pull this do not move, push that to be not pushed, two fellow jump over collect closer, two pairs of hands15312